We're thrilled to be joined by Ebenezer Scrooge for this week's V3 Hot Seat.
Although Scrooge isn't currently working in the technology industry, here at V3 we felt that this esteemed gentleman holds such unique views on customer relations, staff management and true innovation that we felt he'd be the ideal person to share some motivational thoughts at this festive time of year.
V3: What does a typical day involve?
Scrooge: I rise early, wash down in iced water - why waste precious coal to heat the water? - and am at my desk by 8am. As a good man of business, I then spend the next 10 hours calculating exactly how much money I am owed, and devising ways to get it back at the most inconvenience to my clients.
What would be your dream job?
If not my current role of money lender, I would love to be the owner of a funeral parlour. There is none such a good person as a dead person, I always say.
Which mobile phone and tablet do you currently use?
Bah! Humbug! What would I want those items for? So I can be hounded by charity workers and long-lost relations from Nigeria begging for my money?
Which person do you most admire in the IT industry?
I loathe them all, with their social do-gooding and magnanimity, especially that Bill Gates, giving all his money away to charity. Why waste time creating technologies to save the world or fight cancer or feed starving orphans, when you could be focusing your efforts on developing new products to make even more money to then hoard away?
What's been the highlight of your career so far?
One key moment stands out. Docking the wages of my pitiful clerk, Bob Cratchit, last Boxing Day for arriving two minutes after his scheduled start time. The warm glow I felt on seeing his crestfallen face almost helped me understand the meaning of the spirit of Christmas.
What was your first job?
I was an apprentice for Mr Fezziwig at his merchant business. That was before I led a coup to take over the business and kick him out - Fezziwig was just too kind-hearted and gave us businessmen a bad name.
What will be the next big innovation of the coming years?
Workhouses that can fit even more people into smaller spaces. I am constantly thinking outside the box when it comes to ways to decrease the surplus population.
Which technology has had the biggest impact on your working life?
Bitcoin and Apple Pay are both excellent innovations, which I am looking forward to trying out soon as new means to extract money from my debtors.
What keeps you awake at night?
How much money I am owed and whether any of my debtors will die before I can collect it all.
What was the last book you read and was it any good?
The Prince by Machiavelli. I'd recommend it to any good business leader.
Where's your favourite place for escape?
The coal shed underneath my house, dark and peaceful with no wasteful lighting or heat. I will be there for the whole of 25 December this year, as every year, to escape all the idiots going about with 'Merry Christmas' on their lips. They should all be boiled with their own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through their heart.
E-readers or real books?
I just read my accounts books for pleasure and business, and they are not available through the Kindle or Apple stores yet.
The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
Bah, all that noise!
The Saw series. I like to imagine the victims are my debtors.
Windows or Mac OS?
Linux of course. Why would I pay for anything when there is a free version?
Can we just take this opportunity to thank you for your time, Mr Scrooge, and to wish you a Merry Christmas.
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