It is often said that there is no such thing as a bad idea. But this maxim fails to take into account the sheer stupidity of humans.
This is evidenced by the yet to be released Peeple, an app described as Yelp for people that allows Facebook users to submit reviews of fellow humans on the social network as if they were products to be reviewed in an online store. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Now, Sneak cares little for the feelings of others, preferring a smug detachment from the concerns of the average selfie-taking twerp he encounters along the highways of the internet.
But clearly his ambiguous stance on humanity is nothing compared with Peeple founders and, ironically, marketers Julia Cordray and Nicole McCullough, who may have forgotten how the internet works.
You know the internet, where misogynists, racists, misanthropes and just a lot of angry men lurk, waiting to pounce on anyone putting their head above the virtual parapet.
So from Sneak's point of view the Peeple app is a recipe for disaster akin to Edward Snowden enabling the location settings on his Twitter account.
Peeple's website claims that the app will allow you to "rate and comment about the people you interact with in your daily lives on the following three categories: personal, professional and dating".
"Peeple will enhance your online reputation for access to better quality networks, top job opportunities, and promote more informed decision making about people," the company said, presumably swallowing naivety-boosting pills and forgetting how judgmental the average human is.
Sneak doesn't need his crystal ball, which is currently out of batteries, to predict that the opposite of Peeple's ambitions will be realised.
Facebook trolls will no doubt delight in rating their so-called Facebook friends poorly for cheap laughs, while disgruntled former lovers or colleagues may use the service as a way of getting revenge against those who may have slighted them. And the sheer scope for online bulling and victimisation is almost unparalleled.
Peeple claims that the reviews are not anonymous and that negative ratings will be held for 48 hours allowing the reviewed to check their rating.
But the founders seem to have missed the fact that their app will still expose those being reviewed to potentially abusive comments, regardless of whether they are being made public or not.
Furthermore, negative reviews cannot be deleted, just not displayed. Then to rub a grain of salt into the virtual wound, it appears that users can't remove themselves from Peeple's database.
So congratulations Peeple for creating abuse-as-a-service.
Peeple also claims to be anti-abusive, but given that Facebook has an audience of nearly 1.5 billion users, Sneak highly doubts that Cordray and McCullough will be pulling all-nighters going through comments, such as "she needs to eat a burger", or "he's got no swag", and "I hate his glasses".
The BBC reported that the people are already in an uproar over Peeple, and that the app has been described as creepy and terrifying.
Sporting a god complex, Cordray told the BBC that the furore is just a reaction to change. "When people found out that the earth was round instead of flat and that we revolved around the sun instead of the sun revolving around us, naturally people were upset and confused and they pushed back with all that they had," she said.
Sneak just face-palmed his head so hard the smack generated a soundwave strong enough to crack the previously mentioned crystal ball.
Cordray also took to Facebook to try to dispel media opinions that Peeple is a metric tonne of stupid, fuelled with a tanker full of ignorance.
She accused the media of failing to do its research into how Peeple works and suggested that users visit the Peeple website. Like any good media figure, Sneak did just that only to find the website was not working.
Sneak hopes that Cordray and McCullough sort out the parameters of Peeple to rigorously prevent it from being a bullying tool du jour, or kill the app completely and stick to their day jobs.
Otherwise Sneak will rate them to be five stars worthy of being fired directly into the sea.
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