Sneak often gets cheesed off by the overuse of emojis in text and instant messaging. People end up using smiley faces, angry frowns and happy poos to express their innermost feelings, leaving the the English language languishing unused until it ferments like an over-ripe Stilton.
But it seems there is nothing to stop this tide of emjois spreading across the world, with the latest un-Brie-lievable revelation that a series of new emojis are arriving on smartphones, with a cheese emoji among them.
Some are welcoming this arrival but it just grates on Sneak as he can't Camem-bear thinking about a situation where a chunk of Cheddar would fit in the general discourse of a text message.
But somewhere among the curds of humanity, there are sure to be linguistically stunted Gouda-gobblers who are happy to tap out iMessages covered with slabs of Emmental and grammar equally full of holes.
Perhaps Sneak is being intolerant to lovers of lactose-based texting as keen language destroyers have also petitioned the Unicode Consortium, the organisation that makes emjois, for a series of other odd emoji choices.
Maybe Sneak is too mature, but he feels that popular requests for burrito, taco and unicorn head emojis raise significant questions about the state of humanity.
He simply cannot envision a situation where a unicorn emoji would be an appropriate text response, as one does not come across many unicorns in everyday life unless you're partaking in substances that Sneak came across during his formative days as an IT assistant.
But no doubt the enterprising minds at the Consortium will milk the requests until they churn out the next batch of smelly emojis, all while Shakespeare spins like a top in his grave.
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