It's a little known fact that Sneak is a master accordionist whose dexterity and hours of wasted time mean that he can play the Minute Waltz on the bellows-like instrument.
So Sneak needs all his fingers in prime condition, as Mrs Sneak does so like to be wooed by the odd candlelit accordion recital. He cannot, therefore, envisage a situation where he would willingly sacrifice a dexterous digit.
But TV and mobile comparison site Cable.co.uk has reported that one in three people would rather lose a finger than their broadband connection.
Clearly there are people who take watching skateboarding dog videos on YouTube and posting pictures of food on Facebook to quasi-religious levels.
Sneak reckons you probably know a few of these miscreants. They're the ones to whom you might wish to introduce a glowing hot poker to a very particular part of their anatomy.
These would-be digit dissecting deviants are joined by a further 25 percent of the people surveyed by Cable who simply could not choose between a severed finger or a cut connection.
Some 46 percent of the respondents said they would rather lose the internet than turn a finger into a cannibal's appetiser. Sneak thinks this means there is yet hope for humanity.
Keen to state the obvious, BT Openreach chief executive Joe Garner said that people see the internet as "vital to their day-to-day lives".
"I used to run a bank and I used to think that it was pretty serious if people couldn't access their bank account, but if people can't access their Facebook account? Oh. My. God," he said, in what appears to be a delectably facetious manner.
"Without the internet people feel socially isolated almost immediately. And that touches a very deep human need. We're a social species."
Sneak doesn't really get the whole ‘social' side of the internet. There are already enough people trying to bother him in the real world about missed payments, accident claims and last Thursday's incident with the office scanner and Harriet from the accounts department.
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