Sneak can still remember the days at school when bigger boys would promise to "duff him up", so it brought back unpleasant memories to see Wayne Rooney, the free-scoring, three-bedding star of Manchester United, promise the same to a Liverpool fan on Twitter.

Writing to a user called @sam_oldham_LFC, which could mean he supports Oldham, but more likely Liverpool, Rooney boasted of a muscular prowess that would leave the man in a comatose state, whilst also mocking the condition of his hair.

"I will put u asleep within 10 seconds hope u turn up if u don't gonna tell everyone ur scared u little nit. I'll be waiting," the footballer wrote.

For those of you unable to comprehend the lexicographical nightmare of a modern footballer's vocabulary and a 140 character limit, it translates as:

"I will beat you up within 10 seconds. I do hope you turn up [for the fight]. If you don't, I am going to tell everyone you are a scared little nit [not sure what this means, actually]. I will be at the appointed location at the appointed time if you wish to joust with me."

Later, Rooney wrote: "Haha bit of banter and people go nuts chill all people," displaying the tension-diffusing skills he so often exhibits on the pitch.

Sneak finds it hard to be too mad with Rooney (not as mad as during the World Cup last summer anyway) as he's hardly the first man who kicks a dead sheep's bladder around a piece of grass for a living to run into trouble on Twitter.

For example, West Ham striker Carlton Cole was charged by the Football Association for very odd comments he made during England's 1-1 draw with Ghana at Wembley in March.

And Liverpool striker Ryan Babel was fined £10,000 for putting a link to picture of referee Howard Webb in a Manchester United shirt after an FA Cup defeat at Old Trafford.

Ah, footballers. A crazy bunch.

19 May 2011