The following call took place at 11.24am GMT, 31 January.
Operator: Hello, Symantec. How can I help?
Sneak: I’d like to speak to whoever buys laptops.
Operator: Is this a sales call?
Sneak: Yes. I have a laptop to sell.
Operator: Would you be after someone in our IT department?
Sneak: I doubt it. Probably your industrial espionage department.
Operator: [Pause] I’m sorry, I don’t think we have that department.
Sneak: Right. Plausible deniability. Just tell the big cheese I have a laptop and I’d like to take advantage of Symantec’s recent announcement. Apparently the average corporate laptop is worth half a million quid, when you add up the value to the business of all the data on it.
Operator: Errr...
Sneak: So anyway, I have a borrowed laptop. Well, quite a few borrowed laptops actually, and I’d like to trade them in for half a million apiece. Cash, preferably.
Operator: I don’t think that’s the kind of thing Symantec can help you with.
Sneak: Oh. Bugger. I’ll try McAfee then.
Click. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.

01 Feb 2006