Taking control of your boss

Most of us wouldn't feel confident about delivering a presentation to a crowd of strangers without proper preparation. Yet how many of us draw up a strategy when we're due for a chat with the boss?

Talking to the boss can be a minefield - and not only because your pay rise and route up the company ladder probably depend on their recommendation. The IT industry's evolving management structures are flattening out, but the boss figure still looms large.

How many times have you been faced with a difficult situation at work because you didn't manage to communicate effectively with your boss? Admittedly, how well you do that depends on the quality of your relationship, but often we only have ourselves to blame when communication channels seize up. Occasionally, we need reminding of how to get our message across successfully, if only because bosses themselves can also be such poor communicators.

Carving out an effective relationship - the foundation of good communication - demands loyalty and respect on both sides. You must understand each other's roles, and the pressures you're both under to perform - and that's where many people fall down.

"A lot of people have trouble getting the balance right," said Alan Horn, director of interim management specialist Albemarle. Interim executives move from assignment to assignment (and boss to boss) every few months, so Horn's company provides coaching on 'managing the boss' as part of its preparation.

"It's easy to do what your boss wants," said Horn. "But if you want to get on, you have to make that relationship a two-way process." In IT, projects can be highly structured and the chances of meeting your boss few and far between. All the more reason, Horn argues, to take every chance to 'condition' the relationship positively so you can make it more productive.

"The way to make an impact is to make sure that your efforts are being recognised - not just that you are achieving, but being seen to achieve. Ask for a meeting at least every three months," he said. "It may not seem a lot, but it's probably four meetings a year more than most people have".

Sending a note in advance, with a formal agenda, shows how you value your boss's time. "Make some useful suggestions. Go to the meeting with ideas and proposals - as well as with problems," added Horn.

Put yourself in the boss's shoes
If it's any consolation, it's a difficult balancing act for the boss, too. Ben Knox, managing director of internet service provider Direct Connection, said: "As a boss, you have to be careful to avoid being too 'top down' so people feel you're just dumping info on them all the time without an opportunity for feedback." Knox's advice to both parties is to keep communication personal, but efficient.

"If it's something I need to think about, its probably better to email me a document first," said Knox. "Then we can get together and talk it through. If it's something that's particularly important - a big issue - it's better to do it face to face. If it's a slightly sensitive subject, it's probably better for people to come and say 'Look, I need 10 minutes of your time, can you tell me when you're available? It's quite urgent', so we do it sooner rather than later."

What's your point?
As you cross the threshold into your boss's office for a chat, it's tempting to develop a split personality and a totally different vocabulary.

"Your boss just wants you to get to the point as quickly as you can," said Jack McAlinden of communication specialist McAlinden Associates.

You should treat it the same as you would any critical communication, such as a discussion with a colleague or a customer. That way, you're more likely to avoid the baggage and get the message across more clearly.

Plan your message before opening your mouth, said McAlinden. "It's a lot about thinking and structuring," he said. That means anticipating any objections that may arise and trying to be one step ahead (see the 10 tips on making your point box, right).

Most people will do the thinking for a big presentation, but neglect the preparation for less formal situations, said McAlinden. "One of our clients was telling me about having lunch with his boss, and he's put as much planning and organisation into that as he would for a formal stand-up presentation. It's the same kind of thinking," he said.

Plan ahead
Planning these 'chats' may seem extreme, but it can bring results. "SAP, the software company, is driving our approach for a very simple reason," said McAlinden. "It helps its people do what most technical people have difficulty doing - getting to the major ideas, rather than all the wonderful information it has on the subject."

There's far more to this concept than management's twisted desire to apply a rigid formula to every conversation within an organisation. Establishing ground rules, or 'communication standards', also generates shared expectations about what to expect from a dialogue.

"It's a shared vocabulary," said McAlinden. "There's a built-in benefit, because people have that shared experience and are more likely to encourage each other."

Speaking the same language is particularly important, added McAlinden, as some IT people aren't natural born communicators. "The reason they're good at their job is that they're very analytical and thorough about the way they think. Unfortunately, the rest of the world is not as interested - they just want to know what technology does," he said.

Having a healthy relationship makes negotiating easier. But the thought of asking the boss for a promotion or a pay rise can still leave many of us quaking. Few of us like talking about our own successes, so discussions of this nature almost invariably result in nerves and hesitation. That's why it's so important to plan the discussion, taking the personal factors out of the equation and focusing on business issues.

If you're asking for a pay rise, talk in terms of the value your skills contribute to the business. You'll need to carry out a realistic assessment of your achievements before the meeting. If it's a promotion you're after, think about the changes to the team that will be required. What benefits will they bring the business as a whole? Consider them from your boss's perspective and anticipate objections in advance.

Similarly, if you're on the receiving end of a conversation with your boss, try to retain a business-like perspective. Criticism should be offered in the context of what is useful to the business. Treat it as feedback, regardless of whether or not you decide to accept it. In healthy relationships, bosses do not feel threatened by someone questioning their views in a reasonable way.

"Help, I can't talk to my boss"
Of course, some bosses are impossible to talk to. There are bosses from hell - insecure people who are insensitive and unwilling to be part of the team. If you've been as professional as possible, and things are still not working out, it's time to consider outside intervention. Try talking to another line manager first.

If your boss is a bully, you should document any aggressive behaviour and try to enlist the help of your colleagues. If you don't get anywhere with human resources or other team leaders, try talking to an employment expert at a Citizens Advice Bureau or even a solicitor.

One alternative might be to become your own boss. But don't assume that will be the end of your troubles. Nick Barfoot set up on his own two years ago (see the "When the client is your boss" box below), and, as his testimonial reveals, clients can be as demanding as any manager.

A career in IT is likely to mean contracting, self-employment, spending time in client-facing situations and having to explain complex strategies to non-technical management. To be a success, you're going to have to learn how to influence a wide range of 'boss' figures. Communication with your line manager is an ideal opportunity to practise.

Going over the boss's head
Name Andy (not his real name)
Job Helpdesk specialist with a record company
Communications skills training None

When you're not getting the support you need from your manager, sometimes you have to take drastic action. Andy is extremely critical of the lack of communication skills possessed by some IT managers, which he believes boils down to managers "trying to keep their own lives sweet and not listening to problems or taking them on board". A recent problem with a user brought the situation to a head with one manager, with surprisingly positive repercussions.

A new PC had been delivered but seemed to have gone astray. "The user kept asking where her PC was, but nobody wanted to tell her the bad news." After some checking, Andy got stuck and went to his team leader for help. "She just wanted to do the minimum. She didn't really try to help," said Andy.

He finally gave up with the team leader and decided to do some investigations of his own. When he discovered that the ordering and delivery process had failed to keep track of the PC, he broke the news to the user that it was lost. "She was relieved that at least somebody had brought her some news," he said.

Andy also made a point of bringing his departmental manager up to date on the situation so he would not be caught out without warning if the user took the matter any further. Andy has since been promoted to team leader in his boss's place.

Action points:

• If your best efforts at getting a response fail, don't ignore the situation. Go around the boss to a more senior line manager for help.
• If you have to go over your immediate boss's head, keep them informed of what you're doing.

When the client is your boss
Name Nick Barfoot
Job Owns and runs SIS Solutions, a distribution software specialist
Communications skills training Landmark Education business development courses

When you have a good relationship with your boss there are real benefits to be reaped - it allows you to bounce ideas off each other, not to mention offering emotional support. So what about when you set up on your own and the buck stops with you?

Two years ago, 29-year-old Nick Barfoot bought out the software company he used to work for. SIS supplies software products to distributors in the retail sector. Customers have replaced the 'boss' as the dominant figures in Barfoot's working life.

"Almost the only thing you need to concentrate on with software development is managing customer expectations," said Barfoot. "It's all about how to deal with people, rather than the software. If customer expectations are X and the software does Y, you have a gap and that's where upsets happen."

But things don't always go according to plan. A customer told Barfoot recently: "Nick, if it wasn't for you and the relationship we have, I'd have got rid of your software months ago." The issue was over the late delivery of software that Barfoot had promised within three months, but had taken 10 months to develop.

"We'd performed miracles to deliver at all," said Barfoot. That conversation might have been the final straw were it not for Barfoot's participation in a business development course run by Landmark Education.

The course stresses the importance of effective communication and team working. "My training gave me a belief in myself," said Barfoot. "One of the things I've learned is that I'm completely responsible. If I have an upset customer, it's down to me completely. The course has helped me to distinguish what's going on with me - how I'm upset about it and how I'm taking it all very personally, as we do as human beings."

"The reality is that it's not about me, but I'm completely responsible. It's a very powerful place to stand - in front of a customer, for example. It gives me a way of dealing with it powerfully rather than being upset when things don't go my way," he added.

Barfoot employed his father, who runs his own sales and marketing company, as a management consultant and coach. "It's someone to use partly as a sounding board for new ideas, and partly for talking about issues like the late delivery situation," said Barfoot.

"Before, I would have bottled it up, not dealt with it and hoped it would go away. Now, I get on the phone to my coach, have a conversation, and say all those things you want to say to express yourself about it." Being able to talk so openly with his 'coach' helps him think more clearly about how to handle his problems.

Action Points:

• Managing expectations is just as important for relationships with customers as it is with your boss
• If you don't have a boss, or if he or she isn't someone you can talk to about business problems, appoint a friend, partner or colleague as your 'coach'.