Troubleshooter - Time to get on your bike and meet the challenge

Gratitude is something a consultant rarely expects. You get used to in-house IT people treating you like dirt, just because you don't understand their business and you are getting paid three times their salary.

You get used to the management assuming you are a cross between a minder and a hit man. But a thank you wouldn't hurt once in a while. Take BritBreak's IT director. I'd given him the best PC centre in the country. I'd given him a superb IT fair. I'd shaken his management team up by making them think they'd have to use their own PCs. And what did I get in return?

The elbow. I wouldn't mind, but another four weeks with BritBreak and Slaughter McTone Regis would have given me a long contract bonus.

Still, my motto is bounce back. I marched straight into Mr McTone's office and said: "Give me the hardest assignment you've got - I need a challenge." In retrospect, I'm not sure this was wise. SMcTR's equates volunteering with responsibility. If I don't succeed with my new clients I'll be out on my ear, however highly I'm rated. Natural selection, McTone calls it.

The danger dawned on me as I sat in the ageing Portakabin that is the office of Julian Vole, IT manager of Challenger Bikes.

You may have heard of Challenger. The UK's only independent motorbike company, which has kept afloat by emulating the ostrich. To all intents and purposes Challenger builds the same bikes now as it did 40 years ago.

Using the same technology and the same non-existent systems. And the public laps it up. Challenger has 10-year waiting lists. It could double production tomorrow and still not match demand. In short, it is a mess, ripe for business process re-engineering. So why was I worried? It soon became clear as I spoke to Mr Vole.

"I suppose you think you're going to waltz in here and turn everything on its head." These were his first words. I hadn't even had a chance to get my Barber off. I opted for matching his aggression. It's sometimes the only way.

"Why bring me in, then?"

"I didn't want you," said Vole. "The bloody MD asked for a bank loan to improve the staff canteen. They insisted we took on someone like you." He scratched his head enthusiastically and a cloud of dandruff filled his corner of the Portakabin. "Bloody waste of space."

"We'll see," I said. "Give me four weeks to work with your team - how big is the IT department, by the way?"

"There's me, Roger, Janice part-time and Sandra who does the tea."

I fought down a sob. "Right. Give me four weeks, and then see if I'm still a waste of space."

A big grin spread across his face. "It'll be a disaster," he said. "Rely on it." I tried to smile. After all, I did say I wanted a challenge.