Sneak has a lesson for anyone that uses a public computer to carry out personal tasks like social networking: remember to log out.

That lesson would be well learned by a certain two Colombian chaps, who Sneak feels are to track-covering what snow boots are to desert attire.

We meet these smart cookies at Colombian website El Tiempo, where we learn that one of the two men who chose not to pay their bill at the web cafe they were using left his Facebook page open for all to see. This, of course, made it much easier for him to be identified.

The pair then went on to steal a motorbike, to make their getaway after their audacious crime. Needless to say, the bike has already been recovered.

There has already been a great deal said about the relevant privacy implications of using Facebook. If this does not teach you the merits of protecting your privacy, as well as the more obvious downsides of committing criminal acts, then nothing will.

Sneak’s never been the biggest football fan: all that greenery, sunlight and fresh air just seems so, well, unhealthy.

However, even he was caught up in the mayhem of the final weekend of the Premiership season, which all came down to the final few seconds when Manchester City won 3-2 against Queen’s Park Rangers to clinch the title ahead of rivals Manchester United.

Sneak was enthralled by the drama of it all, with the pantomime villain played by someone called Joseph Barton, who was sent off for what can only be described as brawling with another of the players – it would never happen at coding academy.

On being sent off Barton was labelled all manner of nasty things, with many claiming his career at the club would be over, but Barton himself, a well-known member of the Twitter clan who quotes everything from lyrics by The Smiths to philosophers, looked to appease his detractors.

Taking advantage of the firm’s Promoted Tweets tool he issued a publicly apologise for his actions, although the tone is hardly one ringing with remorse.

Right enough about yesterday, I apologise to everyone offended by it. If that's not enough for some, so be it. Life is too short. #moveon

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) May 14, 2012

It’s a novel idea, a footballer – or any public figure – taking to Twitter to issue an apology - perhaps we should demand it more often of those we believe to have erred.

However, this could mean Twitter would become nothing more than an endless stream of pop-starlets, middle-aged politicians and aging rock stars forced to confess to their indiscretions.

It is fair to say Rupert Murdoch had a pretty hectic 2011, with his firm involved in the huge phone hacking scandal that led to the closure of the News of the World and the ongoing Leveson enquiry.

This also saw Murdoch grilled relentlessly by MPs at a Commons Select Committee in which he proclaimed it was the "most humble day of my life", before being hit in the face by a foam pie - by "comedian" Jonnie Marbles, not the MPs.

Now, in a move even the most daring Hollywood scriptwriter wouldn't have tried to pull off, Murdoch has joined that most public of forums, Twitter, in order to share his thoughts and opinions with the world, which mainly involves him praising Fox.

One message reads:

Saw Fox film Descendants.Thank God, one to be proud of. Star Geo Clooney deserves Oscar, maybe film too.

— Rupert Murdoch(@rupertmurdoch) December 31, 2011

while another proclaims:

I LOVE the film "we bought a zoo", a great family movie. Very proud of fox team who made this great film.

— Rupert Murdoch(@rupertmurdoch) January 1, 2012

Sneak isn't sure where to begin really: the utterly appalling grammar (perhaps he needs an editor, is Andy Coulson available?), the brazen bias, the willingness of Rups to open himself up to an almighty online backlash, or his chutzpah in joining Twitter when you'd have thought he'd be keen to stay out of the headlines for once.

Then, as if things weren't bizarre enough, his wife Wendi Deng - her of Commons-pie-attacker-hitting-fame - apparently joined up too, and not only started defending Rups (obviously) but also flirting with Ricky Gervais.

However, it sadly became clear this was a hoax account, despite Twitter giving it the blue tick of verification for a short while.

Sneak would like to think it is all some form of April Fool's stunt, but sadly it is most definitely still early January and Rupert Murdoch really has joined Twitter. Happy New Year - 2012 is off to a flier.

Google owns the search market. This is well known and is why the firm releasing information on the most searched for terms is an annual event that provides the best snap-shot into what occupied the world's attention in a given year.

As it turns out it is mainly celebrities, which is not surprising really. Yet Sneak was surprised to discover that in Blighty, the fifth most searched for term on Google was 'Google'.

Aside from the dangers of destroying the internet by Googling Google, is it not a bit odd that so many people are searching for the very thing they are already using?

Sure, there must be some legitimate reasons to Google the firm itself, but Sneak suspects there's something amiss here.

What could well be happening is not-too-smart internet users are searching for Google from the corner search boxes provided on browsers such as Firefox, not realising that it is Google.

What is worse, though, is that the world's most popular sites are the most popular searches too, including Facebook in number one, YouTube in two, the BBC in six and Amazon in seven, which is odd if you think about.

All of these sites have some of the most recognisable URLs on the planet and it is highly likely that most people will have the address stored in their URL search bar on their browsers and so could just go there direct with a few keystrokes.

Or, better yet, use the handy bookmarks tool bar function (best served in Firefox) to create a nifty list of your favourite sites so you don't have to clog up what would be an otherwise interesting list with searches that make the UK look like a nation of morons.

Sneak once typed a standard, everyday phrase into Google and was shocked, embarrassed and appalled to find results that pertained to what can only be described as, well, (deep breath) pornography.

A few days later, having sufficiently recovered strength to venture online again, Sneak was overwhelmed by what he found after a dedicated search for this previously unknown area of the internet.

It turns out lots of people like this 'pornography' and the world has agreed that a special domain is required to separate this kind of content from the boring, normal, safe stuff. The domain is, of course, .xxx.

Not XXXX, mind. That's an Australian beer called Castlemaine. Does that mean they'll buy XXXX.xxx? Confusing.

Of course, a new domain means a landrush for top domains linked to the most popular search terms, but the organisation in charge of the management of .xxx domains, ICM Registry, has revealed that it has banned some 15,000 celebrity names already.

"We didn't want to have the embarrassment of AngelinaJolie.xxx coming up at the launch of the new domain," the company's chief executive, Stuart Lawley, told The Guardian.

Of course, an AngelinaJolie.xxx domain makes sense, but Lawley also said that names such as David Cameron, Tony Blair and Margaret Thatcher will also be blacklisted. The mind boggles.

Anyway, since discovering this brave new world, Sneak has decided to take action. So make sure you check out V3Sneak.xxx for hot sarcastic blogging action. Oh yeah.

The bookish geeks at the Oxford English Dictionary have announced that 'retweet' and 'sexting', words casually bandied about on Twitter and mobile phones, are now so common as to be worthy of a place in the hallowed book.

Sneak is pleased to see this, although while he was aware that 'retweet' means repeating someone's message on Twitter, he wasn't quite so au fait with the term 'sexting' until he undertook some horrific Google searches to arrive at his own definition:

"Sexting [verb] pronounced: sex-ting. The act of electronically distributing pictures of ones intimate areas to a potential mate via the medium of mobile or electronic communications. Usually undertaken by 11-14 year-old chavs or US politicians. Used in a sentence: Rob and Sandra fell in love after sexting one another on their iPhones."

It's not a huge surprise that these terms have made it into the OED as the growth of mobile communications and social networks has given rise to a wealth of jargon such as '@reply' and 'follow Friday' on Twitter, and 'poke' and 'like' on Facebook.

Other notable entries into the OED were 'auto-correct', 'cyberbullying' and 'woot'.

Another benefit of this, aside from enriching the glorious English language, is a few new words for Scrabble games with the family. Lol!

As London returns to normal following the riots last week, the police are busy rounding up those who participated in the violence and disorder, with technology aiding in any way it can.

Sneak was particularly pleased to see one oik get his comeuppance thanks to a nifty bit of open source software installed on a Macbook Pro which was stolen from an information security worker/hacker called Greg Martin.

The hapless moron was tracked by the software from Prey Project so that once he logged on to the device with a new user account and started browsing, it was only a matter of time before swift, sweet justice was delivered.

The clincher was when he logged into Facebook, enabling Martin to see his name, location and stupid drunken photos.

Soon the boys in blue (the Met, not the Smurfs, just to be clear) were on their way to the looter's lair and before you could say "Steve Jobs" the device was returned to its owner.

Aw, Sneak loves a happy ending.

Sneak's a bit of a fan of The Apprentice. The drama, the back-stabbing, the front-stabbing, the finger-pointing, it's got it all. Oh, and there's some vague notion about learning how to do business as a cover for the whole thing.

Wednesday's episode was particularly fun as the bespectacled Tom managed to misread social reviewing site Qype's name as kwai-pie, rather than k-wipe, which led to the creation of MyPy, a social pie web site. Not really. Just a pie restaurant. Boring.

A social pie site in which people upload pictures of their pies, rate their pies, 'like' one another's pies and even host real-life pie-ups would be great fun, and no doubt very popular with clowns and northerners.

Other technology firms and social sites could also lead to crazy ideas. Skype, misread as Sky-Pie, could be the name for a left-field creative management consultancy, whose ideas are always "pie in the sky". Perfect for Apprentice candidates.

Similarly, question and answer site Quora could be Ki-ora, a site for those who loved the mid-1980s adverts for orange juice: It's too Orangey for crows!

Hang on, these ideas are gold. What is Sneak doing giving them out to all and sundry?

It's to Sir Alan's lair we go, armed with passion, desire and enough mad ideas to keep the show going for many years to come.