Sneak hears that scientists have uncovered a correlation between people with lopsided bodies and people with tendencies toward violence. Apparently, in tests, subjects with mismatched ears, hands and feet used much more force when slamming the receiver down at the end of a carefully-orchestrated frustrating phone call. The boffins go on to discuss the likely connections between disadvantageous conditions in the womb and a subsequent lack of impulse control. Now, it may be true that Sneak takes a size 15 boot on one foot and a size nine on the other, but that does not mean Sneak will necessarily act on the impulse to hunt down the lead author of the study, Zeynep Benderlioglu, and produce an acute case of asymmetrical nose. No, Sneak will act with restraint. As long as Benderlioglu will hand over one of the force-measuring phones, so that Sneak can wire it up to the mains and zap the ears of cold callers in precise proportion to how firmly Sneak cuts off the call.

24 Aug 2004