As a seasoned business traveller, Sneak has become numb to the inherent discomforts: too little room to swing a rat; screaming brats kicking the back of the veal-class seat for seven hours solid; Steve Martin “comedies” as a means of “entertainment”; meals that would make a billy-goat skip desert; stewed coffee spilt in the lap during sudden bouts of turbulence; and the withering contempt of middle-aged American air hostesses when Sneak attempts some light-hearted repartee, or indeed when Sneak calls them hostesses instead of stewards.

But enough is enough. News that aircraft will soon offer mobile phone access in the skies over Europe is a torture too far. It will doubtless mean sitting next to loudmouthed idiots arguing with the office, discussing ETAs with spouses and what to do for their dinners, or delivering high-volume soliloquies about the airlines having screwed up their non-existent business-class bookings. Seriously, there are extraordinary rendition flights that are probably more enjoyable.

15 Aug 2006