Today Sneak called ISP (and David Hasselhoff employer) Pipex, to try to switch broadband contracts from the current arrangement to one that might let Sneak afford food. “You can’t just change contract, you have to pay us a £60 ‘change contract fee’,” claimed the shaven-faced phone monkey after the tenth repetition of the hold music. “Why?” asked Sneak. “I’ve served my year’s contract, why the extortionate fee?” To which the slack-jawed Neanderoperator replied, “Dunno, I don’t have that written down.” Through this laborious exchange of unpleasantries, it was revealed that the best way for Sneak to avoid giving £60 to Hoff via Pipex would be to cancel the entire contract and become a new customer. At which point it might be sensible not to become a new customer. “Yes, you could switch ISPs,” the toad belched. “But you’ll be without internet for a week or so… It’ll take that long for us to send you your MAC code.” So there you have it: Pipex’s business model hinges on fleecing current customers, and retaining their custom through inconvenience. It’s probably not put that way in the annual report, mind.

27 Sep 2006