Sneak recently acquired a satellite navigation device for his car for the first time, and eagerly took the opportunity to test it out when required by his significant other to perform chauffeur duty to a hospital outpatient department some miles away.

The experience certainly proved interesting. For one thing, the device - manufactured by one of the biggest names in sat nav - doesn't seem to believe that Sneak's house exists. The correct road is shown on the on-screen map display, but it only seems to show the location of even-numbered addresses.

As Sneak's road is one of those quirky streets where the even-numbered houses are actually at the opposite end of the road about half a mile away from the odd-numbered ones, this sheds light on puzzling phone calls from delivery van drivers in the past ("Err, where are you? I'm where your house should be, but it isn't here....").

While the sat nav got a fix on Sneak's location impressively quickly after being switched on, it had somewhat unimpressive ideas on the best route to reach the dual carriageway on the other side of town.

In fact, the sat nav plotted a route leading more or less straight through the middle of town. This isn't a good idea at the best of times, but especially not on a busy Saturday, so ignoring the first part of the route, Sneak set off in the hope that the device would adjust its advice to match his current heading.

Instead, the sat nav kept issuing urgent instructions to turn round and head back towards the starting point. For several miles it kept saying things like "In 200 yards, turn left," as Sneak approached a junction that would lead towards the centre of town and certain entanglement in a huge traffic jam.

Even when the dual carriageway had been reached, the plaintive voice kept issuing instructions that would have led Sneak in the opposite direction from the destination, had they been followed. By this time, Sneak was risking an accident by frantically poking the touch-screen of the device to try and force it to recalculate a route from the current position.

Eventually, Sneak managed to impose his will on the blasted device and got it to navigate safely to the hospital. However, it still seems to think that Sneak lives in a field, as the GPS co-ordinates set as "home" do not correspond to any house address the sat-nav is aware of. Maybe it needs an update - after all, Sneak's house was only built in the Fifties, and the digital mapmakers may not have had time to catch up yet....

27 Jan 2009