Incredibly Noel Edmonds' iPhone app for Cosmic Ordering, launched on 17 September, is now the most downloaded lifestyle iPhone app on the whole bloody App Store.

'What's an app for cosmic ordering' you say? Thank god for that - we thought the whole world had gone mad. Cosmic ordering might sound like a different way of saying 'voices in the head' but is actually a 'new age' way of getting what you want for your birthday.

Edmonds reckons that the Cosmos is here just to serve us - which sounds a bit self-indulgent to Sneak - while the very concept is the sort of hokey thinking that makes people on that awful Deal or No Deal show choose a box because their aunt once had a dream in which there were an equivalent number of elephants riding bicycles. Apparently users of the app write down what they want and then leave it to the Cosmos to give it to them. Once they have 'it' they write down some notes on the whole experience.

Noel Edmonds' Cosmic Order app costs £1.19 and has a truly awful photograph of Noel accompanying it. We imagine that if you really wish hard enough you'll get your copy for free... If you dare.

Edmonds himself credits Cosmic Ordering for a lot of his success - which leaves us with just one conclusion. It's the Devil's work! Burn it! Burn it!

29 Sep 2009